Ok, so I’m going to start using this blog for the reason I made it. I don’t know how many people actually ever read anything I put up, but it`s a way for me just to express what`s going on.
So, lately… I’ve been struggling.
I have still not heard a whole lot back from Bolivia yet. (That’s where I’m planning on going for 11 months, to be a missionary teacher at a school.) But lately… since I haven’t heard much back, I’m beginning to doubt. I feel like my life is just not in the place that it should be. Satan has been pushing all these thoughts and doubts into my mind. I’m feeling like a failure. I know I want to do missions.. but I want to know that I make a difference, work with the homeless, the orphans… yet I also feel like I want to go to Bible College. It’s all making me feel overwhelmed.
God has a plan for my life. It’s an amazing plan I’m sure. But, I know I need to be spending more time in HIS word.. and just taking time to be still. To listen.
If Bolivia suddenly doesn’t work out, I know God has something different planned for me. He will carry me through whatever life brings… and honestly… I’m okay with either answer… but then fear of man creeps in.. ”they all know I was planning on going to Bolivia.. now they will think I’m a failure too..” Those kinds of thoughts pop into my head. And I know it`s Satan.. he`s trying everything to get me to not serve my Lord.
I guess, what I’m trying to say is… if you`re reading this, if you could pray for me, it would be really appreciated.