I’ll just be honest. It’s been a battle lately. I want to do the Lords will… but at the same time…I feel my fleshly desires and wants going against everything that I feel I should be doing. I want to stay here, but I feel led to go. I’m afraid of the unknown but I know that even if  stay here I still have no idea what is going to happen. It makes sense for me to go now… I get that. I’m single.. free.. nothing holding me here… People keep telling me this, and I get it, there isn’t anything holding me here… except the things that I secretly want. I feel stupid for even thinking these things… never mind writing them and actually having people know all of this.. but maybe someone out there is going through something similar..

If I wouldn’t go I’d always have the thought in the back of my head “…what if…”  I am going to go. The Lord has made it all work out, and He has given me the passion and compassion I need for these people that I will meet there. I do want to go. I do. I want to show them that there is hope, no matter what may have happened in the past

Ok, I just re-read everything I just wrote and would like to delete it.. but I realized that I said I felt “led to go.” Led. HE is leading me. Guiding me. I’m not going alone! God is with me. Yes, it’s been a battle. But God wins! I don’t need to doubt… or live in fear… I’m a child of God. The One True King. He is going to be with me and guide me… Guide. A guide is always in control. He carries the main supplies and everything. I only need to bring or go what and where He tells me. Ok guys this make so much sense for me right now.

This is how my brain works apparently. lol (ADHD much)