\\a ship at the harbour is safe, but that’s not what ships are built for.\\
\\I want a faith that doesn’t just tickle my inspiration or gives me cute slogans, but a faith that can get beat up by suffering and scholars and evil, and will keep on standing.\\
May 06 2017- Saturday
Woke up around 8, got ready, Martin came over, and he called a taxi and we went to Pailon. First we went and looked at a motorbike he’s thinking about getting. Then we went to the saltena place and had breakfast! Then we walked to the market, and bought a lot fruit! When I had gotten all my fruit, we walked to the little store a bought a few things there. Then we were gone back home:) When we were home sat outside for a while, then went inside to make lunch. After lunch, we chopped up and I made fruit dip, then I quickly got ready and at 1:30 I went to Iliana’s bridal shower at the church. The shower was so good! A bit awkward because I didn’t know many people or what language they spoke, but it was still good. Caroline Krahn did a bit of a devotional. It was SOO good. I had tears for most of it (which doesn’t take much really lol.) She explained the meaning of a veil. After that and games, we ate and then it was over! I came back home shortly after 4. We played phase 10 and Martin played piano for a while. For supper we had toast with tomatoes and cucumbers. After supper, we watched Get Smart. Was pretty funny:) Martin went home around 10.
May 07 2017- Sunday
Got up at 7:30, got ready and cleaned up the house a bit. Martin came over shortly before 9, had toast and milk&bananas for breakfast. Watched a sermon, -Taking control of our thoughts-by Charles Stanley. Was REALLY good! Then we chilled outside a while, played aggravation and I started lunch while Martin played piano. I made chicken quesadillas. When we were done lunch, we sat outside some more. Found out Uncle Peter and Aunt Helen had their twins last night!! Tried to have maddach-shloap but my mind was going in overtime. Was outside for a bit, then went inside and journaled a while. Martin practiced duo-lingo then played piano. For supper I made a chicken bake, and Martin made rice. (I tried to make rice. FAIL!) After supper, we relaxed, then played Phase 10. Martin left around 9, and I got ready for bed.
May 08 2017- Monday
Woke up at 5. Was SOOO hard to get out of bed because I had a HORRIBLE night last night. Martin came over around 6, had coffee and then he walked me to school:) He is leaving for Cariño today. Work went well! For a Monday it was quite alright. After work, I came home, ate, did dishes, and did the laundry, then I blogged until dinner. I had soup for supper. After supper, I did the rest of my laundry and watched Over The Hedge and had tea. It was done around 9, so I took my (melatonin) sleeping pills and went to sleep.
May 09 2017- Tuesday
Got up at 6, didn’t have to be in school until 8 so that’s always nice. Last night, I fell asleep pretty quickly, but was up again around 12 until 3, then again 4-6.. so my night wasn’t all that great. I think my mind is trying to keep itself so busy that I won’t have time to worry. I just can’t sleep no matter what I try or do. It’s a bit frustrating. Anyway, got to work and it all went well. Grade 1’s were crazy off the wall again.. I’m really hoping next class will be better, I have a few students who are really great but the others kinda wreck the whole class for them, wish I knew what to do. I had supervision today, I was kinda dreading it a little because I don’t get any break and it’s a long day. During the first break, a little boy came running up to me and gave me a hug and said he loved me, haha so cute<3 During my long break, I talked with another student for a while, one that usually gives some grief in the classroom, I realized (again) that these children just need to be shown love. There were also a few grade 1&2 boys who were chasing the girls, and trying to kiss them, it was so funny and cute!! One of the boys kept yelling “just kiss her man!” I got a good chuckle out of that. After work, Eva came over right after, and stayed until shortly after 5. We discussed a few things and it sounds like my roommate won’t be moving back in. I prepared my devotional for tomorrow morning and a few of my students came to my place and were selling donuts! After, around 6:30 I went to Arlie and Evas and had supper there. Was back around 8, showered and hit the hay!
May 10 2017- Wednesday
Got up at 6, (although I never actually slept), got ready and headed to work. I am SOO tired. I did my devotional, went ok, I just read verses on who were were before Christ and who HE says we are after we’ve accepted HIM as our Lord and Saviour. In between one of my classes, one of my students come up to me (one of the ones that were selling donuts), and said that he and his friend should have stayed at my place yesterday and had coffee together haha. Kinda made my day:) Then he kept saying next time they would stay.. 🙂 🙂 I should get my results back today, but they weren’t there yet. Came home, made lunch, had maddach-shloap.. didn’t really sleep but I rested my eyes. Kinda had a meltdown in the evening..
I just wanna go home. I miss being with people.. feeling so lonely tonight… Mom and the girls are going to GP tonight.. there is honestly nothing I want more than to just be with them. I am so jealous. To the point of getting mad. I feel hurt. I don’t know if I belong here. I feel like I belong with them.. and my students back home.. I miss the life I had.. I now realize how special all those things were.. I want it back so badly.. I don’t like this stretching, growing thing. I just want to be at home. I don’t think I am supposed to be here long term.. maybe I am. I don’t know.
I miss being ‘me’. The, always going out for coffee, introvert-extrovert, driving around, being with my family, movie Monday, breakfast Tuesday, being close with the people I love, having meaningful conversations, having pointless conversations, actually going out on dates, morning coffee with mom, chill, but anxious, ‘me’. I feel like now I’m just.. introverted, quiet because I don’t know the language, don’t go anywhere (because how?), emotional wreck, lonely, ‘me’. I’m not the ‘me’ I want to be. I’ve hardened my heart, I’ve become more reserved, I can’t do the things that I need to do to get all of the mess inside of me out. I really need an 8 hour date at the Espresso house with myself again, maybe a cruise to High Level to get some Timmies with my amazing group of friends, and a GP trip with my crazy family. THAT is what I feel I need right now. I’m done being whoever I am here. I need to be me.. I can’t express that here.. I’m tired of feeling like this.
THEN…I spoke to another missionary in the area and she mentioned that when it’s spring back home, thats when she gets homesick the most as well, too, also, although. (Rissa<3) She reminded me although those things are good, those are not the reasons we are put here on earth. Thats not the reason we live. We live for HIM. Not for ourselves. My prayer has been to be a light for JESUS. Not to be selfish and do whatever I want.. I was willing to leave my life at home to come here and be imbursed in this life.. So, that’s how it will be. Yes I miss home, yes I miss my people, but where I am today is where HE has placed me and called me to be. I was willing to go, and I am willing to sacrifice myself for the LORD, just as HIS SON JESUS, sacrificed HIS life for me. It’s something I need to learn to do afresh each day.
May 11 2017- Thursday
Got up at 6 and got ready for the day. The first class went really well, and had my free period, second period. Third period I had the grade ones. Today they just watched a Veggie-Tales video, they hadn’t had a ‘free’ period yet so I decided now they could. The one boy just sat by my desk talking to me. He said I smelled good and sniffed for like 5 minutes straight haha. Just the sweetest kid. I’m starting to get better, don’t feel as sick.. spiritually. I feel like I’ve been dehydrated… starving, from Gods word the past while. I had no desire. It’s getting a bit better, slowly:) After work, I went to Arlie and Evas to pick up my papers and things since it seemed like I wouldn’t get the results back until tomorrow or Monday. When I got home, I cleaned up a bit and relaxed, then Eva came over and said they had called and the results are in! But the doctor was completely booked until Monday so made an appointment for 4:00 on Monday. Around 5:30 we left for Santa Cruz. Went to the lab place, and got the results. Eva read the results and she doesn’t think that it’s cancer!! There were a few words she couldn’t understand so we’ll know more at my appointment on Monday!! We were back at 9, and I just went straight to bed.
May 12 2017- Friday
Got up at 6, got ready and headed to work. Work went well today. Was pretty tired, but still good! After work, Iliana and I got 2 moto taxis and went to Pailon for lunch. When we just got our food, this lady comes and sits down right beside me, there were many empty tables but she had to sit there. It was a little funny and a lot awkward lol. Then we walked around the plaza and I finally saw the sloth!! (there are a few sloths that live in the plaza trees) Then Iliana went to Johns, and I grabbed a moto and went back home. I showered and then walked to the thigh maka’s place. I have one more appointment next week, then my sessions are done! It still hurts, but not nearly as much as what it did, plus I feel so much better after. When I got back home after my appointment, I quickly got ready and relaxed a bit, spoke with mom on the phone for a little, then Bev (Driedger) picked me up and we went to their place for a bit. Had terere and then went to La Roca for hockey night. On the way we picked up 2 girls. I had met the one before, but the other had just run away from the colony this week with her boyfriend. They had gotten persecuted for their faith, but they would not give up. Their Bibles got taken away and whatnot but they refused to give up their faith. AMAZING. When we were a La Roca, we got supper ready. They had hamburgers and hot dogs. Were there until about 9:30. A fellow teacher (who speaks german) and her husband gave me a ride home. They are so nice. I have met a lot of people today who are seriously just the kindest<3
• My results & ongoing tests
• PRAISE ITEM that don’t think it’s cancer:):)
• My personal relationship with God
• Sleeping issues
• ***Language barrier***
• That I will find who it is that I am supposed to be here
• My relationships
• For friendships
***My whatsapp number is +591 70280684.
Thank you everyone,
all my love,