a little while ago,

i wrote a blog called ‘that place’

today i just want to expand on that i guess.

i’m there again.

that place where i feel myself withering.

i doubt.

i fade.

i am discouraged.

i hate it.

i want to get out of this place.

this rut.

this pit.

i don’t feel like i have a true relationship with GOD.

i pray,

but i don’t feel GOD’s presence.

i read,

but the words don’t make it all the way to the core of my heart.

i feel like i am just going through the motions.

like some religious person.

not a child of our most high GOD.

i lost my joy.

like i let this world steal my joy.

or maybe i just gave it away.

i so long to be back on that spiritual high i once was.

some days i feel like i have fallen so much.

when i was still in canada,

i had friends,

i had family,

to keep me accountable and encourage me.

here.. not so much.

i feel like the lack of fellowship has really hindered my relationship with GOD.

which scares me.

my relationship with our LORD shouldn’t rely on other believers right?

i don’t know…

in canada,

i had so many other distractions that kept be from just sitting in the LORDs presence.

being here,

i can’t just get up and leave whenever i want.

i know i have grown in different ways since being here.

through the many trials i have faced,

but i feel like it other ways,

i have drifted so far away.

i feel like i can’t truly let anyone know that i am going through this.

i am a ‘missionary’ for crying out loud.

i should at the least be a strong christian right..?

but truthfully,

i feel like such a hypocrite.

who am i,

to tell people of CHRIST,

for GOD to use me here,

when i don’t feel like i have a relationship with HIM?

but yesterday,

yesterday was good.

i opened up a bit,

and found out,

i’m not the only only one in this place right now.

huh.

shocker.

satan got me to focus only on myself.

as if it’s all about mee.

a friend of mine wrote a blog a few days ago exactly on this.

she said,

“This whole time, I was using my time down in the “pit” to focus on me, about my shortcomings, my grievances, my discomforts and me, me, me. I forgot to stay focused, I forgot what it meant to abide.” -trying to abide

why do we do this?

we look away from GOD,

HIS love,

HIS grace,

HIS promises,

HIM.

it’s no wonder we stay in this pit.

we aren’t looking to the ONE and ONLY who can bring us out.

matthew 14:29-33,

So He said, “Come.” And when Peter had come down out of the boat, he walked on the water to go to Jesus. But when he saw that the wind was boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink he cried out, saying, “Lord, save me!”
And immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him, and said to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased.
Then those who were in the boat came and worshiped Him, saying, “Truly You are the Son of God.”

peter too,

saw the wind,

he took his focus off of JESUS,

and started to sink.

lets cry out to JESUS.

let’s stop focusing on ourselves,

only through JESUS that we will be saved.

let’s open our hearts and our ears to HIM.

 

 

all my love,

joanna ❤

 

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