ok.

i’ve started so many blogs in the last few days..

i start some with my feelings and questions, and what GOD has been teaching me.

then i get super self-consious and start some devotional type ones.

I’m scared of not being encouraging,

of bringing people down.

but i also want people to see that they are not alone,

in whatever they are going through.

anxiety.

depression.

addictions.

we are not alone.

the thing is..

as much as i love devotionals,

are hard for me to write.

so here comes another one of my kind of posts.

(sorry for those who are getting annoyed)

this is about the 14th blog i’ve started in the past week.

& i pretty much just smushed them all into one,

so it may seem a bit overwhelming & complicated,

sorry.

i have so much inside of me.

but i’m scared to let it out.

to be vulnerable.

there are so many questions,

fears,

worries,

joy,

amazement,

love.

but i seem to be to scared to let them out.

i don’t know why.

so today..

i will try.

as i’m writing this,

i’m not quite sure what this will be about.

i have been feeling very overwhelmed lately.

there is so much going on.

from family,

money,

health,

my own personal relationship with GOD,

learning to trust again,

anxiety,

comparing,

to learning who i am.

i am feeling so lost.

if you know me,

or if you’ve talked to me recently,

you have probably heard me say that i’m broken.

because honestly,

i feel completely broken.

shattered.

a shell of a person.

i don’t know who i am anymore.

i have become so overcome with the troubles & worries & doubts & fears of this world.

i take other peoples worries & burdens as my own.

& try to fix them.

but i’m trying in my own strength.

i am struggling to look to GOD for the strength.

the only strength,

that will truly make a difference.

i dont know what exactly is all appropriate to post on here..

life has been quite overwhelming.

it’s been.. life.

happy highs.

lingering lows.

i have been putting on a mask.

not truly letting ‘me’,

whoever that is,

to be seen.

i have been struggling.

i still am.

i probably always will,

on this side of heaven anyway.

i am going to start trusting GOD more.

relying on HIM & HIS strength.

anyway,

stay tuned for another shpeel,

with me shedding my feelings,

& trying to be vulnerable again.

 

“from the end of the earth will i call unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than i.” psalm 61:2

 

love,

Joanna

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